Corduroy Lawn

I am not sure that I have mentioned it but I love to mow my lawn. I have a state of the art Kub Kadet ride on mower and something about cruising up and down in straight strips making an immediate difference to the look of the lawn is so relaxing to me. There is a beginning, and I can see that there will be an end to the job. So unlike most of the other tasks around the house – i.e. Cooking, cleaning, laundry ad infinitum.

To add to my revery, I have developed a new type of lawn. A corduroy lawn. When one strip is 2 to perhaps as much as 6 inches taller than those on either side of it. Now, I have heard comments like “your mower blades are dull/off balance/need to be set”. But, how can that POSSIBLY be the case. Both my husband and my son are LANDSCAPERS. My son in law has TWO degrees. Of course my mower blades would be set at precisely the height and balance they need to be set at. No, it is done on purpose. This will be the next big craze. You just watch the next great Kate and Wills outdoor gala – they will be on the band wagon with the corduroy lawn too. You should come out and see mine before the lineups get too long. I am such a trendsetter.

My corduroy grass will change the face of summer sport. Echo Ridge, for example, with its pristine expanses of levelly mowed fairways and flat greens. There really is only one word for it. Boring. Bocci ball will become a team sport, much like curling, but this time the two team members will be tramping down the ridges of grass so as to guide the ball closer to the pin. Special stomping shoes will be developed to give the elite Olympic Lawn bowlers better control as they develop the finesse it will take to bowl in corduroy grass.

The owner of Valley Lawn Services thinks that I am taken in by his subterfuge, pretending to pick up his equipment stored on the lot next to mine, or visiting his sister across the street. I know that he is calculating the exact method of creating my corduroy lawn. How tilted is the deck that holds the mower blade? Just how flat is the left front tire? Oh yes, he is ciphering away in the hopes that he will be ready when the great demand happens.

No, no, my corduroy lawn is not the result of everybody being too darn busy to take a look at my sad little mower and fix it so that it mows in level swaths. Rather, it is part of the fantasy leisure world that I live in since my retirement.

/bye