Friday, June 15, 2012

It seems to me...

As everybody knows, I have been around a long time.  Over 60 years.  6 decades.  Long long time. 

Over that time I have noticed that, for the most part, men are terribly busy and terribly important.  Anything men do is always way more important and way busier than what women do.  I have observed first hand a doctor, leaving her clinic early so she can pick up the kids, get the mail, buy the groceries and not disturb her terribly busy husband during his terribly important tennis game.  Many many farm wives can relate horror stories about giving birth during seeding or harvest, or spraying, or preg checking cattle, or...you get the idea.  Everything is way more important if a man does it.

Just take a drive down any of our highways and you will see proof positive that of which I speak.  Dotted along the roadside are these large billboard type signs, some of them solar powered flashing lights, some of them bright orange, with big black letters declaring "MEN WORKING".  Women don't do that.  I guess we just don't feel the need to advertise like that.
/bye

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Corduroy Lawn


I am not sure that I have mentioned it but I love to mow my lawn. I have a state of the art Kub Kadet ride on mower and something about cruising up and down in straight strips making an immediate difference to the look of the lawn is so relaxing to me. There is a beginning, and I can see that there will be an end to the job. So unlike most of the other tasks around the house – i.e. Cooking, cleaning, laundry ad infinitum.

To add to my revery, I have developed a new type of lawn. A corduroy lawn. When one strip is 2 to perhaps as much as 6 inches taller than those on either side of it. Now, I have heard comments like “your mower blades are dull/off balance/need to be set”. But, how can that POSSIBLY be the case. Both my husband and my son are LANDSCAPERS. My son in law has TWO degrees. Of course my mower blades would be set at precisely the height and balance they need to be set at. No, it is done on purpose. This will be the next big craze. You just watch the next great Kate and Wills outdoor gala – they will be on the band wagon with the corduroy lawn too. You should come out and see mine before the lineups get too long. I am such a trendsetter.

My corduroy grass will change the face of summer sport. Echo Ridge, for example, with its pristine expanses of levelly mowed fairways and flat greens. There really is only one word for it. Boring. Bocci ball will become a team sport, much like curling, but this time the two team members will be tramping down the ridges of grass so as to guide the ball closer to the pin. Special stomping shoes will be developed to give the elite Olympic Lawn bowlers better control as they develop the finesse it will take to bowl in corduroy grass.

The owner of Valley Lawn Services thinks that I am taken in by his subterfuge, pretending to pick up his equipment stored on the lot next to mine, or visiting his sister across the street. I know that he is calculating the exact method of creating my corduroy lawn. How tilted is the deck that holds the mower blade? Just how flat is the left front tire? Oh yes, he is ciphering away in the hopes that he will be ready when the great demand happens.

No, no, my corduroy lawn is not the result of everybody being too darn busy to take a look at my sad little mower and fix it so that it mows in level swaths. Rather, it is part of the fantasy leisure world that I live in since my retirement.
/bye


Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Going in circles (or elipses)...


A friend called me last night to ensure that I hadn't dropped off the face of the earth, as my emails were bouncing back to her and I wasn't writing in my blog at all. So, just to clarify, I still circle the sun along with everyone else but have been very busy, and pretty lazy, therefore no blogging. (Also, I have very little to say!). As for my emails...hope my spam is bouncing back as well!!

As long as I am here I will share some excitement I had on Sunday. A bear, a big brown bear, a big brown man-eating bear ran through my back yard! It was just barreling along, so something had spooked it, and fortunately it didn't stop for a snack of hysterical woman and small child (Owen was with me). It headed up into the coulee behind the neighbour's and I haven't seen him since. When I called the now named Ministry of Environment on Monday I was told that bear was also sighted at the Mackie Hill. Later on, I heard that a bear was tracked from Katepwa to this area – but still remains at large. I just hope if there are resident bears they chase the cougars away and not the deer. My garden is coming up so nicely and the dear deer do so enjoy that – I haven't had a freshly picked home grown beet since 2007. Stupid *%*&^!! deer.

We had to order a part from the USA last week and it is being shipped UPS. I hate UPS. First of all, they conveniently give you a tracking number and a website to watch your shipment make its circuitous way through several states, past the Canadian border, into Winnipeg and then Regina where it promptly disappears! There is, conveniently, a toll free number to call to check on your package. Once dialed you get several options, none of which say “to find your package once it gets to Regina press...”. Anyway, knowing full well it will be futile, I press 0 to speak to an agent. Who is located in the Asia Pacific call office.

He doesn't know Regina, much less Fort Qu'Appelle, even less the RM of North Qu'Appelle. He tells me that the package will be delivered between 10:00 – 2:00 to my home. I tell him that UPS will not deliver to the RM. He asks what is an RM. I give a brief educational summation of the various Geo-political designations in the province of Saskatchewan. He asks where is Saskatchewan. I say Canada. He says Canada like it was some kind of multi syllable disease.

This is where the conversation goes distinctly astray and I ask him a few questions like – how can you be customer support if you don't even have any idea where I live, or where my package will be delivered? He assures me that he has resources to help him. I suggest he tap into those resources now. He agrees.

Five minutes on hold and he comes back on to say the drop off station is the Tempo gas station on Broadway street. I tell him the Tempo gas station on Broadway Street has been shut down for several years.

Hmmmm....then he will use his email resources to contact UPS in Regina for the information needed. Could I contact the UPS station in Regina myself?? (I know, dumb question). Of course not. That would be entirely too convenient. UPS prides itself on ALMOST being convenient not on actually BEING convenient. I listen as his keyboard clicks away with his email. He assures me someone will contact me with the information. I ask him if it will be a real person who calls me. He assures me that it will be a real person, who is aware of the urgency of the situation. Knowing full well that this is a lie, I thank him and hang up.

Twenty minutes later my phone rings and it is a recorded message saying that my package will be delivered between 10:00 – 2:00 to my home address. The recorded message cuts out once the useless information has been passed along and I hear dial tone in my ear. I hate UPS.

/bye